I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me
kinda strange
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented,
seen the light, and made a change
And I fortunately know a little secret
It's a talent
that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf /> Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls /> In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the
girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed!
Those poor unfortunate souls
So
sad
So true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty
please?"
And I help them!
Yes I do!

The men up there don't like a lot
of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore!
Yes on land it's much preferred
for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?
They're not
all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they
dote and swoon and fawn
On ladies who withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets
a man

Poor unfortunate souls
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a
very busy person and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice! /> Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
If you wanna cross the bridge,
my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp
Take a breath
Go
ahead
Sign the scroll
Nick and Kevin
Now I've got her, boys
The boss is
on a roll
You poor unfortunate souls

In pain
In need
This one
longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes,
indeed!
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking
to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them!
Yes I do! />
Those poor unfortunate souls